This Friday's catch: Delusional over omnipotence (παντοδυναμια) followed by delusional over weakness.

Delusional Over Omnipotence:
Being super girl takes a toll on me. Super girl mode includes social tycoon when going out, actually going out, multi-socialising with 2-3 different groups of friends in one evening and feeling I can do anything.
Delusional Over Weakness:
That is followed by the over weakness phase which is a feeling of helplessness, nervousness in social situations and a lot of self pity.

In the past months I tried to improve myself by increasing the super girl sessions but this has resulted in more severe weakness phases. I do not want to talk to anyone, I want to close up like a clamp and even stop breathing. Chunking up a bag of crisps looks like it is helping...

stuff that come to my head

The fact is I do not remember me in high school.  Who I was, who people I thought I was, my friends, my feelings and my experiences are in a file hidden in a file somewhere in my hard drive.
Why should I bother?I need to find them -  I only have flashes. I need to reconcile with my past to have closure.
From all I recall - those flashes - I was composed and frightened of showing who I was. So freaking frightened!
I grew apart from my friends back then, I don't have anyone to remind me the good or bad changes in my character. If I don't have a base of comparison I cannot derive the results of the process of growing up.
Am I better?Worse?Should I go back?Should I be considering going back?I am lost and I want to continue evolving but is it the right direction I am heading to?